For Those With Heart

I just lost someone I loved. Yes, most of the undoing or should I say seperating lies at my feet. I let someone go that I loved with my whole heart. I poured two years into a relationship that I didn't want to end. But, sometimes life can be cruel.

"Go west young man" was my motto. Although I'm not that young anymore, but not really old, it was more of a middle-aged man trying to make his last comeback at love. As I parted to head west, I didn't look back. I went with full abandon. I left with very little materially, but a heart full of love and anticipation. Things went well at first I believe. Then, as it always does, real life sets in. A person loses what they fell in love with at the start. It never intends to start out that way.

I gave it two years. Even friends wondered why I put so much effort into it. This sounds like it comes from a cheap dime-store novel but very true: I did it for love. Sure it's kind of a worn out phrase but, nonetheless, true. I know the other party tried as well. For you see, I can be a very difficult person to live with. It does take two.

All I know at this point is that I wonder if I will survive this? I'm sure I will. I've survived a lot in my life. Loved ones that have passed on, dreams that were shattered like broken glass and visions of "way beyond the blue" that turned into grey. The other party may not believe this or maybe she does: I won't forget her. And a part of me will always love her. I tried. So did she. I only wish her the best. I was hoping it would be me. In the end as one of my favorite actors put it so aptly, "women and I just end up crying." I've done a lot of that. At least I was man enough to say it. Even the great King David cried a bed full of tears. But at the same time we revel in his great oratory in the Psalms that have comforted us so many times.

Before I left to go west over two years ago I sat in a friend's office. I told him that this was my last chance at love. If it didn't work, I was done. I believe I am. Before I left the west to come back home I prayed, "God, please protect me, keep me safe traveling, and let me see my family one more time before I pass out of this life." I'm sure that God isn't done with me yet. I do know that whatever days I have left, they are the Lord's. I owe him everything that I have. It's all his.

Finally, to Chey. I gladly say this for anyone to read. Especially to you. Thank you for giving me two wonderful years of your life. You lavished your love upon me. You always said that I fought many demons. I wanted love so much but at times I held it at arm's length. You are right. I guess I didn't get that part right. I don't know where you will go from here. Just know that I hold no bitterness in my heart, no rancor, no hatred, only hurt from not having you and a heart that still loves you. Live life. Love life. And, love the Lord. When it's all said and done, He's the only one that will be of most importance. You allowed me to love one last time in my life. I know it cost you two years. But, they weren't wasted, I carry them in my heart. I know you'll probably move on and someone will grab you up in a hurry. In one sense I will be hurt, but thinking of you alone would make me sad. May God hold you tightly in His everlasting arms. I will remember all the good times, the joy, the laughter and the tears. I can't believe this. But, it is now, what it is! I'll miss you. May God bless all your days. Thanks for loving me the way you did. I'm eternally grateful.

Life on this side of heaven is short, and if a man finds even a "portion" of love here, then he is greatly blessed. Isn't that what we all long for? Love and acceptance. Dearest Chyleen: I'll always pray for your life to be blessed beyond measure. Thanks for allowing me to share your life for the time we had. You'll truly be missed. May you find all the love that you so deserve. That is my prayer for you. Be well as you live out your life here on this earth. God loves you so!

Green Bay Does It To Themselves

Well, it's over. For me anyway. Football for the year is done. Man, I love Green Bay but if they played every week like they did yesterday, you'd never know they were last year's Super Bowl Champions. Maybe it was that they had a couple of weeks off without playing. But, I don't want to give them an "excuse" for losing. With all due credit to the Giants, they played an incredible game. Green Bay pretty much beat themselves. Of course, technically, the Giants beat Green Bay. But most of you get my drift.

If San Francisco takes it that would be alright. But again, it really doesn't matter to me now. I have to refocus. It's only a game. I know how on edge I got during the World Series and the Rangers went down the way they did. In two games they were one strike away from winning and blew it. I used to laugh at those that got emotionally charged at a game. Then I found myself doing it. Well, now I can relax. Green Bay is out and I really don't mind who wins it now. As the old saying goes, "there are bigger fish to fry."

Sure, sports can be an escape and that's fine. But, when you look at the news, and the state of our nation, there are bigger things to take my attention. Well, it's a Monday. The start of a new week. And...Our God is good!

Denver goes down, My hope is Green Bay

Well, it was a beating. Not just a game, but a beating. Denver lost to New England by the score of 45 to 10. However, I have to give credit to Tom Brady that he did play an amazing game.
The news read:

"Tom Brady calls signals in Foxborough on Saturday during his record-setting six-TD performance in the Patriots' 45-10 rout of Tim Tebow and the Broncos." So if you're a fan of Denver or not, Brady pulled off a fine performance in last night's game.

We could go on and on about the media shark pool going after Tebow. That's been debated enough and I'll let it go at that. However, my big game is today. Green Bay with home advantage takes on the New York Giants. The Giants really beat the Falcons in a big way with their win over them by 24 to 2. Sure, I'm hoping that Green Bay wins. It would be great to see Green Bay win two years in a row in the Super Bowl. However, I am a realist. They could go down. Even if they do, they had a great season and played well. If they do win the Super Bowl, I will be elated.

What would be interesting if Green Bay pulls off a win against New York they would then play San Francisco. That was an amazing game in itself against New Orleans. It went back and forth towards the end.



Also, if San Francisco does beat Green Bay if the Pack gets to play them, I'll still go for San Fran the rest of the way. I normally want any team that beats Green Bay to lose. But in this case, I defer to change my thinking. Not that any of us has done that! Grin.





I know it's only a football game. And many don't like sports. That's okay. However, there are a lot of worse things to watch, like reality TV shows! Ugh. Anyway, I hope Rodgers and company can hold their own and take down the Giants as David took down that dreaded Philistine. On tomorrow's blog I will be rejoicing or lamenting. Ha. Have a great weekend.

Happy New Year 2012

Well, we are a day away from the New Year. As always, people are making their new year resolutions. And there are some that are giving themselves a reason to party and to be in debauchery. As if they need a reason. But, as the New Year enters, people are going through their hangovers and the resolutions fail, so goes the show.

My attitude for 2012? Those of us that believe in our Lord Jesus Christ will strive to be closer and more like our Lord in the New Year. There are many things too that face us financially, physically and spiritually. Our country too is in dire straits. I remind myself that with each New Year that God is in control. He has my life in His hands and I trust in Him.

2011 was a difficult year for many people. I pray that we all draw closer to our Lord for the next year. Things on this earth are happening at an exponential speed. I firmly believe that the clock is pointing even closer to the coming our our Lord. May we be found closer to Him and doing what He has called us to do.

He is the one firm foundation we can all rely on. Plus in closing I'm grateful for the things the Lord has seen me through. I rely on His grace daily. Who knows what this new year will hold. All I know is that I want to be closer to Him than ever. May the Lord Jesus Christ be with you all. Blessings!

The Political Mess

Today, just as a primer, I'm getting back in the groove of writing. I didn't think I'd miss this little blog of mine. But after looking back over past posts I had forgotten some of the things I had written and remembering some events that occurred on certain dates. I have a fondness for writing even if no one else reads it at all. I had a couple readers at one time. But, I write more for the joy of it than for it to be read by others. However, if you do read it, I'm more than thrilled. Today, I'm just posting a thought or two and I'll really dig in more this weekend or the first of the week.

I'm thinking of the political mess that's going on. I have noticed on Facebook a lot of comments concerning the GOP runners. It doesn't seem we have any real solid contenders to take lead. One of my friends, Joel, said we cannot find another Reagan. Boy, has he got that right. Plus, who'd want all that scrutiny anyway? I was wondering why someone would want to run and possibly take over the great mess that the current administration has us in? Really, who would want that job? Rhetorical? Maybe not. There seems to be plenty who'd love to be the leader of the country.

I had just finished watching the series on "John Adams." This was a pivotal time for our country. Adams was overlooked I think in the big picture. He did a lot to help this country become a free nation, independent,and to help in the Declaration and so much more. We came real close for the Declaration to "not" even come into being. Back then, these founders would rather have suffered in many ways for they believed in freedom so much. They didn't worry about the press, polls and other such things. They had this dream of being a republic. Many put their lives on the line to secure the freedom of this nation.

What we have today is those that run for the office and many do it for the wrong reason. They will waffle on their opinions and views just to get elected. And it takes enormous amounts of money to get them the "highest seat in the land." Oh, how we have fallen so. I'm not saying our Founding Fathers were perfect. They certainly were not. They had their faults. They wanted freedom but thought owning slaves was okay. That's just one example. There are more.

We are in perilous times. High unemployment, businesses closing, the dollar at a low, our Triple A rating shot, et.al. Again, I don't know why someone would want the job. But, someone has to do it. And I hope it's someone that has a conviction in their heart for God and His precepts. I think it was in the movie on Adams where someone said, "If men were angels we'd have no need for government." How true.

Finally, I certainly believe we are closing in on the end times. Where we are at on the prophetical clock "exactly" I don't know. I DO know we are close. As believers we are called to pray for those in authority. We may not like who is in there, but we are called to pray. And let's pray that whomever is elected that we continue to pray. Really when it all boils down it comes down to this for me: Even so come quickly Lord Jesus. When He eventually rules from the Throne of David, it will be in righteousness. Have a great weekend everyone. And, it sure felt good to type again. I smile as I end this post! Be well all.

Making The Return

Okay, no news flash here! I've seriously neglected this blog as I said before. And, maybe I will be the only one who reads it. But, as I looked through this blog it jogged my memory of so many things. I think I want to write again! I got so hooked on Facebook that I dumped this entirely, not consciously though. On Facebook we can write notes and make comments, but on here I can truly write what I feel. And of course, you my friends, if you do read it may have differing opinions than mine. But, that makes us all unique. I respect those that have other viewpoints. I just sense this need to write again. As always, it will be a hodgepodge of different topics like theology, faith, sports, music and movies. So, in the title, "I'm back!"

Spring In Utah

I've seriously neglected this blog for way too long. Ever since my last post, things have really moved ahead. I don't want to abandon this old friend of mine: the blog. I know my writings will never be remembered in history and I'll never be famous, but that's okay. I just love to write. This just reminds me of a few lines out of a Don Henley song that says, "Some things have happened since the last time we spoke, some of them are funny, some of them ain't no joke!" How true.

I moved to Utah, got engaged, had out-patient surgery done on my heart, signed up for classes at UVU, working on a book and hoping to launch some kind of broadcast show by next spring. And...trying to find a part time job to supplement all of this! God is good.

So, I'll post this on Facebook. Maybe I might still have a couple readers left. May the peace of Christ be with you all!